The Great Catch-Up Pt. 1: DEATH PARK!!!

Hey all! A lot of you have been asking me what the deal is with my blog, and why I haven't updated it in a while. The only answer I can offer is this. <---(See how the word is a different color? That means you can click on it). So I've initiated the GREAT CATCH-UP 2009. Over the next few days, I'll post a series of updates that will fill you in on all the exciting things I've done in the month of June. This list includes; -Looking for apartments -Participating in a wedding -Visiting Yosemite National Park -Visiting Seattle, WA -Intense reflection on the state of my life -Going to an insane amount of movies -Rethinking my current plans So, onward and upward! Today I'm going to talk about Yosemite National Park, where I went for my friend Cory's wedding. It's a beautiful place, but its beauty hides a deadly secret. Before I get to that, though...WEDDING PIX!!!
Here's the Ceremony. I was a groomsman.




Here's a better angle on the groomsmen. The handsome chappie casting his eyes skyward in the foreground is my friend Cory, the groom. It should be fairly obvious who the bride is. The girl in pink is talking about love or something, I don't know, I was thinking about what we were going to have for dinner.


Here's the best picture of me ever taken. Still thinking about dinner.

The position of groomsman is an important and time-honored role in one of the most revered rites of passage observed in our society. A groomsman must support the groom, participate in organizing the wedding, and stand as witness during the ceremony. The duties of the groomsman are diverse and numerous, and echo with the history of the tradition. I was honored beyond my ability to express myself that my friend Cory chose me to take part in this beautiful milestone in his life. As you would expect, I approached the role with the utmost solemnity and respect.


So after they got married, we left the fancy hotel and began exploring Yosemite National Park in earnest. Turns out it's a horrible nightmare of a death trap. Who knew?

At roughly the same time the above photos were being taken a hiker named Manoj Kumar was climbing half dome, Yosemite's most famous hike. It's a 17-mile trail that eventually leads you to the top of a cool dome mountain thing. On the last part of the hike you actually use these crazy cable ladder things to climb the dome.


It was on that section that poor Manoj Kumar lost his grip and tumbled off the side of half-dome, plummeting to his death. So, at around the same time Cory and Erica were getting hitched, a man was dying. That was only the first death to occur while we were in the park.

On Sunday I enjoyed a rousing game of golf, which I had never played before. Turns out I REALLY suck at it. We got through three and a half holes (roughly) in about 3 hours, then we had to stop because the course was closing. Sunday night we had an overpriced but delicious dinner and everyone turned in early.

Monday morning found us at a new campground, this one was a bunch of pre-made canvas tents on concrete foundation bunched up like a weird little village. Everyone talked about how rustic it was, but being from Alaska I referred to it as luxury camping and got weird looks. I mean, the tents had kitchenettes and dining areas attached, and I was able to plug in my iPhone. There was a grocery store in the campground. I tried to explain to all the state-siders that this wasn't real camping, but they couldn't hear me.

We did spot the following poster:


You probably can't read it, but it says that 23 year-old Christopher Alan Hale is missing, and was last seen running NAKED through Upper Pines campground at 9:30 AM Sunday morning. (Yes, the word 'naked' was capitalized on the poster). We all had a good laugh and went on a nice hike. I have a ton of pictures of that, too, but I've already posted so many that I'm going to skip them. Except this one:


We didn't go all the way to Half-Dome, we went on a 5-6 hour hike up to Nevada falls. I was pleased to find that I was still in pretty good shape from all the swimming, and was able to handle the hike pretty well.

We got back to our campsite, Erica (the bride) made up a bunch of different types of sausage and we had a sausage fest. I ate so many sausages, it was completely out of control. Erica's dad busted out his guitar and played some campfire music.

Then this ranger showed up and started telling us about bears, and how dangerous they are. Like, if you leave food in your car, the bear will tear your car apart. Or if you have some food in your campsite, and you turn your back for like five seconds, the bear will steal all your food. Or if you go to sleep with food near you, even if it's just a grape or something, the bear will come eat off all your skin while you're sleeping. Okay, he didn't say that last one, but that was the general tone of his warnings. You see, the bears in Yosemite are all insane. Up in Alaska, we have sane bears that stay away from people. You never see them. Yosemite bears have been getting their food from tourists for generations, so they're hardly even bears anymore. More like thieving beggars, or muggers. It's really weird.

We also asked the scare-tactic-using ranger about the naked guy. They had found him, and the ranger told us he died of hypothermia. Turned out the ranger was an idiot, and he too had fallen off half dome. The ranger also gave us a amateurish mental health diagnosis which may or may not have been accurate, although there had to be something going on upstairs for the guy to run off naked like that. Apparently the guy's friends had neglected to inform the rangers for a full day after he disappeared. The whole thing completely ruined the humor of the poster and bummed us all out something fierce. Here's a lesson, everyone: if your friend does something insane, tell someone before they die.

I was in Yosemite park for 5 days. Two people died in that time period. It's overcrowded, dangerous, and full of insane bears. It's worth driving through for the views, but stopping is just too dangerous. Stay away. Don't say you weren't warned.