Crappiest Post Ever

Hey guys, I've got nothing to report this week. There's some chance that I'll eventually have something cool to report, but not now. I've been working constantly. I still live on a cot in my buddy's living room. I miss my dog. I don't sleep very well, because my sleeping bag's too hot and it gets so noisy at about 8 AM that at that point I pretty much have to give up.

Since I've been working so much, I don't really have time to do anything cool. I managed to escape early tonight, so I'm going to a comedy show with my buddy Rudy, just for something to do. There's this stand-up comedian chick in the show that Rudy thinks is really hot, and I'm sort of along for the ride.

Things have been going well for Rudy lately; his stand-ups really taking off it sounds like. Right now he's sitting across from me playing Zuma while we kill time before leaving. Zuma is a really fun flash game that I'm thinking of developing into a movie script. It started as a joke, but the more me and Rudy discussed it the more excited I got about the idea. Here's a link to a website where you can play Zuma for yourself:

CLICK HERE TO PLAY ZUMA

I got a picture of Juney today from my dad. She's getting fat. I gotta get her down her soon so I can take her jogging every day! I'm a little worried that I'm going to have trouble finding enough time to spend with her, but I'll figure that out later. One guy I work with brings his dog to work sometimes, so maybe I can do something like that. I think she may look fatter in the picture than she actually is, because of the way her harness is bunching up the loose skin on her neck and the way she's lying.

Well, I hope you guys got your summers off to a great start! Sounds like a lot of cool stuff's going on, keep me posted.

The Daily Grind

Howdy, folks! Sorry this update is so late. Two days late! It's been a few weeks since I've made the Sunday deadline. I'll have to shape up.

So I've been working and, surprise surprise, it's taking up a lot of my time. I don't think I've talked much about my job here, I know I mentioned it before. Also, this weekend I was house-sitting for my buddy out in Long Beach, and I didn't have an internet connection. I'll try to do better next time. So, I've got three interesting things to report on this week, and I'll report them in reverse-chronological order because they're most interesting that way.

1. SUNDAY- There was an earthquake in Long Beach. I don't recall the Richter numbers, but it wasn't that extreme. The crazy part is that I was in my buddy's condo which is on the 17th floor of his building. After the earthquake passed, I could feel the whole building swaying back and forth. Weeeeiiiiirrd.

2. SATURDAY- I had an audition scheduled with the Long Beach Shakespeare Company. I had to prepare a 1=minute performance piece for children. I was having trouble finding anything and was on the verge of not going when I had a flash of inspiration; I would just do "Jabberwocky" a la Eli Garvey. I already had it 90% memorized and it was a very fitting piece. Well, not only did the guy like my resume, he expressed that my piece impressed him a lot. He complimented my voice and urged me to come try out for their next Shakespeare play. Pretty cool.

3. FRIDAY- This is definitely the coolest thing that happened. My new boss at the DVD place tasked me with PAing on a recording session for a DVD commentary. PAs are Production Assistants, and they basically help set stuff up, carry stuff around, etc. The commentary was for a few episodes of "Sons Of Anarchy", an FX show about a biker gang.
I went out to the address I was given, not realizing that I was going to the studios where they shoot the show. I parked at this crew lot and a shuttle took me over to the set. I was driven past the show's main set, which is the garage where all the bikers hang out. Then back into the building where the production studios were. I got to peek into the writers' room, where all these writers were sitting around discussing what was going to happen in the show. The walls were all markerboards with plotlines and stuff on them. It basically looked like the funnest job ever.
The sound guy, Greg, had me set up the mics and headsets for all the cast members recording the commentary. This was no mean feat, because there were 10 guys on the first commentary; the show's creator Kurt Sutter and all the show's main biker gang characters. We were setting up for 2-3 hours, minus a quick coffee break. My boss and I wanted coffee so we went to the craft services table. They had a pot of turkish coffee, which you drink shots of. It's got some crazy Turkish spices in it and its really strong. Also, they had a snack room that was just out of control. There was a whole wall of snacks. Like, imagine if you took the snack aisle of a convenience store and put it into bookcases, that's what it was like.
The cast showed up, and at that point most of them had already been shooting all day. A couple of them were still in costume, and they all looked really tired. I recognized a couple of the actors from various TV shows and stuff. The most famous guy in the room was Ron Perlman, who played Hellboy.
Watching them record the commentary was really cool. I mean, I listen to those things all the time, so it was really neat to see one being recorded. We did two, the second one had far fewer people. At the end of the day the sound guy told me I was invaluable, which was awesome. The whole experience was enchanting. I wanted to just hide somewhere in the production offices and just stay there.

How I Didn't Get a Job at Universal Studios

So, it's been an eventful week for me down here in LA! First and foremost, there's the release of the new Star Trek movie! What an exciting time to be alive. I think the movie got a little over-hyped for me. It was really good, but I was still disappointed. That's just me, though. I'm too picky to enjoy anything. Go see it, you'll have a good time.

Second, I got a job! I work for DVD Group, a company that produces DVDs for film and television. I'm an assistant editor, which means that I do grunt work. I won't go into a bunch of boring technical details, but basically what I do is go through other people's edited sequences and make lists of the shots they used. To give you an idea of what kind of an undertaking this is, I'm currently working on a 19 minute featurette about that new Fox show "Fringe." I worked on it for eight hours today, and got through fourteen minutes of the sequence. Still, there's worse ways to make a buck! Hopefully I'll be able to sock away a little dough, because I really miss Juniper a lot and I can't wait to get her down here.

Third, I applied for a position as a tour guide at Universal Studios theme park. It's an awesome place, and it would be an amazingly fun job to have. I didn't get it, I didn't even get called back for the interview. I think I know why.

So I get to the park at about 2:30 PM last Thursday. A helpful security guy directs me to the Jurassic Park garage (all their parking garages are movie-themed). The garage was called...you guessed it...Jurassic Parking!!! I parked Nellie in there and made my way down City Walk to the VIP lounge, which is where the job interview was being held.

City walk is a ridiculously gaudy high-end open-air shopping area. Imagine if a super-rich society made a theme park devoted to malls, and you get City Walk. It's really a very cool place to hang out. I went in a candy story called "It'sugar" (stupid name) and bought a bunch of high-end gummy bears. They had a nine-foot tall statue of Marilyn Monroe made entirely out of jelly beans in there.

So I get closer to the main park gates, and there's this huge line of people. Sure enough, they were all there to apply for the tour guide gig. I'm talking hundreds of people. I had worn my nice jeans and a button-up shirt, but now I had to stand outside in the hot LA sun and sweat up my good clothes. Oh well.

Pretty soon, a hot wannabe actress in a cast got in line behind me. I started chatting her up, and things were going okay. She seemed a little cold, but attractive women in LA are often that way 'cause so many of the guys are evil. She also seemed a little self-absorbed, but whatever. Anyway, I feel like I was starting to make a little headway when this Universal employee came up and snatched her out of the line because she had the cast on. So she got to skip about 2 hours' worth of line and I had to stay there in the sun without an attractive woman to talk to. Ah, well. C'est la vie.

As we neared the VIP lounge, people started getting really catty. A lot of smack was talked about the cast-wearing actress because she had gotten to leave the line. A lot of smack was talked about Universal Studios. A lot of smack was talked about a lot of things. I didn't understand it. Everyone here is really jealous. I guess competing against hundreds of people for crappy jobs does that to you.

So we get into the VIP lounge and we thought we were done, but they basically gave us water and sent us out into another line. Eventually we neared the room that would be our ultimate destination. As I got close a Universal employee told us how the job interview/audition would go down.

In the room were four tables, and each table had a person in fancy clothes sitting at it. Four applicants would enter the room, sit at a table, and talk to the fancily-dressed person for 1 minute and 30 seconds. After the time was up, a Universal Employee would ring a small bell and those four would get up and leave, and the next four would go in.

So I finally get my turn. I sit down across from a woman named Rachel and start explaining to her that I have some basic performance experience, I worked in visitor information for a long time, I used to write movie reviews when I was a kid. She seemed surprised, so I was all "It gets a whole lot crazier!"

As most of you have probably heard, I was a guest on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno when I was 13. It was because of the movie reviewing gig I had when I was a kid. It's not something I like to talk about a lot, but it's on my resume, if you get my drift. So anyway, I was about to start telling Rachel about how I went on the Tonight Show when I was a kid, but I really don't like talking about it, so I got all tounge-tied and started stammering. I was trying to figure out how to broach the topic when the bell rang. I just muttered "Aw, it's in the resume", then I got up and left.

As I walked out, I thought about what would happen next. Rachel would probably page through the resume until she found the item about movie reviewing. Then she'd look further down the page and see that I claimed to have been a Tonight Show guest at age 13. And what do you suppose she would think about that? In a place where hundreds of people show up for a tour guide job, each of them desperate to stand out from the crowd? If I were her, I'd think it was a filthy stinking lie. My stammering and getting cut off by the bell would look like a carefully-crafted bid to get her attention. I mean, if you think about it, the idea of some guy from Alaska going on the Tonight Show at age 13 is totally absurd.

So, I didn't get called back. I'm thinking I'll probably take the Tonight Show appearance off the ol' resume.

Paul's Top 5 Coolest Things About LA

Hey Gang!

First of all, mad props to everyone who made "Mixed Nuts" happen. I hear it was awesome, can't wait to see the tape.

Second, my celeb sighting log is up to 3! I saw Judd Apatow at an advance screening of his new movie that I'm not allowed to talk about, and on Saturday night I spotted Anna Faris at a Mexican restaurant/bar type place. I was talking to Marla on the phone the other day, and she came up with a great analogy; celebrities are basically like moose. You see them semi-regularly, you always look, but it's not really a big deal unless you're from somewhere where there are no moose. Also, much like moose, it's generally frowned-upon to go up and start messing with celebrities.

So this week I'm going to tell you my 5 favorite things about Los Angeles:

5. Ridiculous Clothes
When I was 8, I had this really cool tunic-style robe that I wore around the house. I'm not sure where it even came from, but it sort of reminded me of a medieval garment and I really liked it. One day I decided to wear it to school. That basically seems to be the type of outfit-planning that people in LA use. It's so fun walking through Hollywood, because wherever you go you see people wearing things that make you laugh out loud. I'm working on a good way to surreptitiously photograph these people, so hopefully in the future I'll be able to provide you guys with some visuals.

4. The World-Famous KROQ
Some of you may be aware that I regularly listen to a radio show called Loveline. It's a nationally syndicated advice show. Well, it's recorded here in LA and its home station is KROQ, a local rock station. In addition to hearing Loveline's live broadcast for the first time in years, I've been listening to a lot of KROQ and it's an amazing station. Except for the occasional foray into Nickel Park and Linkinback or whatever the kids are listening to these days, it pretty much always plays stuff I like. It's not all rock, either; every now and then they'll drop some reggae or hip-hop. I listen to KROQ pretty much on a regular.

3. Movie Obsession
I have a movie obsession, so it's kind of gratifying to live in a town that shares it. Everyone I pass on the street is talking about a movie, there's movie-themed stuff everywhere, movie posters all over the place. It's an exciting place to be if you like movies.

2. In-N-Out
Basically, In-N-Out burger is gourmet fast food. They are noted for providing healthy ingredients and doing business ethically. They also have a secret menu that isn't posted, but there's a bunch of stuff you can order if you know what to say. They're cheap, and it's sooooo good. It's unbelievable. I've been eating a great deal of this stuff.

1. The Arclight
Greatest. Movie theater. Ever. It's a luxury theater. Tickets are a little pricier, but it's worth it. First of all, you get to select your seat when you buy a ticket. Then you go in and everything padded and velvety and blue. There's a bunch of digital projection going on, and amazing sound, the works. It's awesome. Honorable mention also goes to Grauman's Chinese Theatre, which is so crazy I won't even begin to describe it here.